Two steps back. I envy those that have a simple faith. Those that love God and simply do what he says. I think I would love that. But for now, I have to live with these thoughts and these questions so here goes another ranting from the lunatic fringe.
Is the church organization the best way to show God’s love to the world?
If it is just a mechanism to allow people to get together…there are many other organizations that do that far better. If it is to come together to worship God…He makes it quite clear that he doesn’t dwell in our buildings but in us, therefore, where ever we are…he is there also. If it is to be used as a classroom for teaching the scriptures…there are schools that are created specifically for that purpose and would be more accurate in the information transferred. Also, the majority of the human population learns through experience and not in a sermon/one-way conversation. If it is about giving to the poor and helping the needy…check the financial statement of your church organization. I would be shocked if the largest expenditure wasn’t the salaries and the building. There are far better organizations out there to give your money to that help people directly and give you great opportunities to get involved.
So, here is the thing…I can’t find a reason for the church building, program, organization to exist.
This is a real issue for me. I am trying to find a way to live out what I now believe. I used to think Jesus was a wet noodle and I was embarrassed of him and for him. After removing a lot of the ‘christian’ culture and religion from my thinking…I can now really get Jesus. I can follow someone like him now that I realized he stuck up for the poor and the oppressed. That he partied and hung out with the crap of society (just like me!). So where do I go now to experience this? My local church? It doesn’t fit anymore. People have said to me, “Let’s start a church together!” or “Come to our church, it’s alive and doing awesome!”. I don’t think anyone is getting what I am saying.
I don’t think I fit into a church anymore. I don’t fit. And this applies to any church. Sorry to offend anyone but I have been in other churches, I was raised in a very progressive church, I was immersed in church culture by my father (who I love and respect deeply) and he showed me models that worked and those that didn’t, I have read books on churches and been to classes on churches and the bottom line is….every time I walk into the building, I cringe. Something inside of me starts screaming and I need to get out.
So this is the dilema. Either I move out of small town Sask and get on board with something I think I now believe in or I stay here and keep wrestling with my thoughts and be patient.
or…
I stop giving a shit and delete this blog. It would be one way of making life simpler. But I don’t think it would solve any of my problems.
